Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The inevitable Casey Anderson tell-all is one manuscript you know won't end up getting... trunked.


I bet that was it. That headline was the one to do it. You're all going to stop following me, spread words of my obscenity, and maybe even hunt me down and find a mysterious nanny figure to drug me up. Well, calm down.

Listen, am I glad that whole trial is over with. The facts came down to a lack of evidence so they couldn't rule her guilty. It's that simple. Did she do it? Obviously. Can it be proven? No, which is why she's going to be spending next weekend drinking vodka and doing lines of coke at a big surprise party thrown by one of her personalities instead of making dice out of soap bars.

That headline is also very very very true. The Terminator's (ex?) wife was offered $15 million for a tell-all. She didn't even have to pen the thing and probably never will. Oh, it'll come out and she'll buy a new Porsche or maybe a Smith & Wesson 9mm semi-automatic, but it won't be written by her. She should probably invest in a dog or cat or something too.

Casey Anderson should not, because she would kill it the first time it gets in the way of her donning an American flag toga and swigging a bottle of moonshine.

I was at a Fourth of July shindig with the fam and all those old aunts of mine wanted to talk about was that damn Casey Anderson. Luckily, my aunts used to ride motorcycles in the 80s and had really big hair, so there was plenty of booze around. I took a swig/shot every time they mentioned her.

"I can't believe the way the defense is trying to handle that Casey Anderson," they said.

"Gulp," I said.

"I wonder what she'll get? Oh, we won't know for a while."

"Glug," I said.

Then I rambled something about nannies, but no one heard me so I played with the dog. That was actually a lot of fun, especially considering all the gulps and glugs.

Now those same aunts and company are blowing up Facebook with ill grammar such as this:

"Did those jurors seeing the same thing i am ---- ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?!!?!!!!????"
"WTF is all I can say!!!! NO JUSTICE FOR CAYLEE!!!!!"
"Looks like GOD is going 2 have 2 bring justice to Caylee!!!"

And some have the audacity to say youth disrespects the English language.

Now they want me to turn my porch light on in memorial. They want me to put it on at nine o' clock. When it's dark out. Turn on my porch light at night? What a demonstration!

So what do you guys think about this whole thing? I don't deal well with crime giving way to celebrity. We all have financially secured this broad for the rest of her life. She just has to hire someone to write her book. Hey, I'm available.

Thanks for reading,


  1. I was really pissed that she got away with it because I think that what she did is disgusting, but I know that there's no proof against her so I guess I have to accept that. Which isn't right, but unfortunately there's nothing we can do, which is scary...

  2. I didn't watch enough of the trial to really find out all that much about her. I just find it ironic how everyone intensely hating her and making facebook pages dedicated to that hate and having rallies etc etc are only financially securing her for the rest of her life. It's crime turned celebrity. She'll probably be offered a million bucks for a fifteen minute interview.

  3. Oh yeah. Definitely. And that's just pointless in itself. I join Facebook pages for things I like :]

  4. Shoot, they don't call it "liking" for a reason. Crazy ass Facebook mobs gonna hate.